36 Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes
“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”
-Albert Camus
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”
-Albert Einstein
“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”
-Benjamin Franklin
“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”
-Casey Stengel
“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”
-Charles de Gaulle
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
-Charlie Chaplin
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
-Alan Dundes
“High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.”
-Christopher Morley
“I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.”
-Colonel Sanders
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
-Andy Rooney
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
-Dalai Lama
“Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.”
-Bertrand Russell
“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
-Demetri Martin
“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”
-Ambrose Bierce
“I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”
-Drake
“To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.”
-Doug Larson
“I drink to make other people more interesting.”
-Ernest Hemingway
“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.”
-Benjamin Franklin
“Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.”
-Enid Blyton
“You’re only as good as your last haircut.”
-Fran Lebowitz
“If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?”
-Cynthia Heimel
“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.”
-Arthur C. Clarke
“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”
-George Carlin
“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
-George Burns
“The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”
-Bertrand Russell
“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
-Billy Sunday
“Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.”
-F. Scott Fitzgerald
“As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.”
-Dick Cavett
“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”
-Ashleigh Brilliant
“We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.”
-George Bernard Shaw
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
-Charles Lamb
“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”
-Dave Barry
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”
-Billy Wilder
“Political correctness is tyranny with manners.”
-Charlton Heston
“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”
-Benny Hill
“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.”
-Ashleigh Brilliant
